Let's Have Fun
by twistedbananas
Summary: Explores the personal lives of all the different character's, but their all connected in some way. Warning Keep vomit bag nearby.
1. Chapter 1

I own none of the characters JK Rowling does. Please review and don't be kind. I take my writing seriously, and would like to have some actual criticism.

Mcgonagall looked at Dumbledore across from the room. She had never noticed how long and unusually pointy his nose was. It gave her this weird feeling or sensation that she had never felt before. She thought of weird things she could do with his beard and eyebrows since the hair growing was so unusually long. She thought that maybe she could floss her vagina with his beard and how sensual it would be. She had had a few drinks that night and was feeling frisky. So she quickly walked over to Dumbledore and whispered "do you want get out of here." "You know I do baby" as he quickly tweaked one of her depleted nipples.

They quickly excused themselves from the teachers gathering, but before they left though McGonagall quickly caught a glimpse of Snape and Lupin making out harder than the boys in broke Back Mountain. Guess they had quite a few drinks as well. "You know that we have to do the ritual before dawn" said Dumbldore. "Don't worry baby we got plenty of time for that later. Right now I want your nose inside of me." Whispered McGonagall. They finally arrived at Dumbledore's pimp pad which then he attempted to pick McGonagall up and carry her to his chambers, but no luck. His back was bad and he quickly dropped McGonagall to the floor further injury her old creaky back.

"Sorry babe" said Dumbledore. "No worries, just get me to your love shack" answered Mcgonagall. Dumbledore opened a door to a pimped out room all made of solid gold and the bed of Egyptian cotton sheets. "I want you baby." said Mcgonagall. Dumbledore pulled his pants down. "Its like a prune." Mcgonagall said in shock. "Before we get started I have to take a line of viagra. Dumbledore quickly smashed a whole box of Viagra into three lines of powder and sniffed them quickly. "I have to sniff it or my tongue gets hard not my shriveled up old penis. Mcgonagall took the excess Viagra and rubbed it on her teeth.

She pulled her shirt up off her head and two very saggy boobies dropped well below her waistline. "Very nice," said Dumbledore suckling one of them. McGonagall cupped two what used to be marble sized balls in her hands. She took them in her mouth trying to hold them in but they kept falling out. She pulled down her moo moos which revealed two very long and very old cob webby flaps. Dumbledore then rolled them up and preceded to enter her. The dust was everywhere it all was coming from her aged cheese vagina.

It took Dumbledore about ten minutes to find McGonaagall's entrance, he kept fumbling. "Are you allright down there," McGonagall shouted because she knew his hearing was bad. "Yes darling just give me a minute." Shouted Dumbledore for he knew McGonagall had no hearing any more either. When Dumbledore finally found it Mcgonagall shrieked with pleasure and then weased a little bit. "Your nose is so amazing." She said in ecstasy. He pushed it in and out of her, and approximately 10.5 seconds later she orgasmed and so did Dumbledore.

"That was amazing Dumbledore we should do it again sometime," said McGonagall knowing it was the booze talking. "Yes lets." Said Dumbledore in response. "Now to talk about the ritual going down in the morning how are we going to get everyone to come over before dawn?" asked Dumbledore in response. "I don't know but somehow we will do it." Said McGonagall.

Well that's all for now folks. Guess you'll have to keep reading if this story intrigues you.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

Obviously much awaited since we are getting so many reviews cough cough. PLEASE REVIEW! Rowling owns it all blah blah...enjoy!

Hermione squinted her eyes against the dim light, tiptoeing carefully around books, spare parchment, and quills scattered about the boy's dormitory.

She had been in Neville's bed and was exhausted. During the relatively short time span of fifteen minutes had made him come a good many times. Hermione had never considered Neville exactly fuck:able but he was getting quiet a few answers right in Herbology, and what could she say, intelligence, however fleeting, was her weakness.

Hermione heard loud sputtering snoring to her left. She looked and could clearly see the shape of Ron's sleeping body in the light of the flickering candels. In the bed next to him Harry lay sound asleep. His night dress had ridden up to the middle of his chest and "Oh good gravy!" Hermione whispered aloud turning her head away disgusted. "What a little weenie winky." She whispered harshly continuing to walk.

"_Eep!" _

Hermione stopped. What was that?

"_Eep!" _The small voice said again. Hermione quickly turned her head. The voice seemed to be coming from Harry's bed.

"Hello? Who's there?" Hermione whispered through the dim light. "Harry is that you?" She questioned shakily.

She could get into a lot of trouble for being in the boy's dormitory, especially so late at night. Damn her sexual hormones!

"_Eep!"_

"Harry I didn't mean to tease your Mr. Willy, just pull your shirt down!"

Hermione walked to the side of Harry's bed, lifting his night clothes, intending to pull them down.

"_No don't cover me up again!"_

Hermione stopped dead in her actions. She looked at Harry's lower half.

"_I want to…live…. I want to…breath!" _The small voice rasped.

The color drained from Hermione's already pale face. She rubbed her eyes, they must be deceiving her! She could not possibly be seeing this! Harry's pubic hair bunched around his tiny pinky dick. A makeshift mouth had cleary formed there and Harry's pubic hair was speaking to her. Harry's pubic hair was speaking to her!

Hermione dropped Harry's shirt and stumbled back a couple of paces. She was going crazy! This was completely and utterly mad! Hermione was spinning and her eyelids drooped. She was unable to look away from the bizarre sight.

"What-what are you!" Hermione gasped. "Who are you!"

"_I-am…" _the pubic hair rasped slowly, as if each word was taking tremendous effort and causing tremendous pain. _"The ghost-of-of…of-Chirstmas-future."_

"What!" Hermione could barely keep her voice below a whisper. "The ghost of what!"

"_No…no-forget that I said that…. I am…Qwibblequaf." _The curly hair gave a sputtering cough that echoed off the silent walls, and Hermione looked around to make sure no one stirred in there sleep, and when she turned her head felt foggy. "I have come-to you-to give you- a message. A message of most- importance. What I ask of you will-condemn- or bring light- unto the future." Qwibblequaf's voice was dire and every slow word held Hermione's intrest. She felt her heart speed and slow with every sylable. Her chest burned with an unknown passion.

What was happening to her? She felt- she felt she could not look away from Harry's pubic hair anymore.

The Qwibblequaff muttered something inaudible.

"What?" Hermione whispered drawing closer to it, her face just above Harry's hair. "What did you say?"

Harry suddenly turned over in his bed. His pink dick smaking Hermione right across the face as he turned. Hermione looked up in shock. Harry's eyes where lidded with sleep.

"Hermione, not now." Harry said groggily before turning over in the other direction and falling back asleep.

As soon as Hermione heard the rise and fall of Harry's sleepy breathing she hurridly tiptoed to the other side of his bed, frantic as to what Qwibblequaf had to say.

"Qwibblequaf!" Hermione whispered desperately! "Qwibblequaf!"

"_I am here." _

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. Why, she did not know.

"Please! Tell me what it is I must do!" She begged. "Please! I will try my best!"

"_The…."_

"Yes?"

"_The…."_

"Yes?"

"_The red head-must not live!"_

"The red head?"

"_The demon!"_

"Demon?"

"Yes- the one who's dick burns with fire! The one who's soul- burns with hatred!" Qwibblequaf was speaking faster now, and Hermione's head was spinning. She felt confused and cloudy. Hermione could not tell what was real and what wasn't and to her, Qwibblequaf's voice was a beckon to her in the closing darkness.

"I feel him.- Always- I feel him. He will bring great evil! Darkness to the world and blackness to the- wizarding world!"

"_You must-do it!" _

Hermione crept to Ron's bed the last words of Qwibblequaf haunting her.

"_Before all is left- in darkness." _

She felt the cool harsh steal of Harry's letter opener in her hand. But where did it come from, and why was she raising it?

"_Before all the world-is left-to die!"_

The next morning Hermione awoke, remembering nothing, but wondering why she had blood at the tips of her hands.


	3. Chapter 3

Yes the long awaited chapter three, which not one damn soul on fan fiction has reviewed. I own nothing except the plot. J.K. does.

Chapter three

Ginny looked around the train she was on to Hogwarts for her fifth year. She realized that she had slept with almost half the people on the train. Ginny had started becoming a little loose around her fourth year. She would grab random boys during her passing period and pull them behind the stairs and make out with them until they couldn't take it any more. Yes Ginny had become a feisty red head who knew what she wanted.

But the only thing she truly wanted that she could not have was Harry Potter. The lame dork with the Ben Franklin glasses is how everyone in her dormitory referred to him. But love will never prevail Ginny thought, whenever he came around Ginny would tighten up a little too tight forcing her to pass gas. Ginny remembered one time when she was talking to her brother Ron, Harry came up to them, and she began to tighten up and accidentally ripped one, but a few seconds later she felt some thing warm in her underwear. Yes, she had accidentally pooed a little during one of her spasms.

Ginny looked up and realized that they were at Hogwarts and casually walked out. Having sat through the sorting ceremony several times she went up to her dormitory to be alone. In the morning Ginny had woken with an ecstasy filled sleep. She dreamed of the time Draco and her had and intimate encounter. She had just come out of the bathroom, and he was yelling at crab about being able to eat a pound cake in under a minute when he saw Ginny.

He gave a whistle. She turned around and winked, and gave a motion with her hand for him to follow her. They had twenty minutes to get to class and Ginny knew a good spot for a quickie. It did not occur to her until after they had already committed the uncivilized act on the ground, on the brick wall, and behind the giant maple tree that Malfoy was Harry's arch nemesis. But she did not care; she just wanted to be with Malfoy so she could record his penis measurement into her special notebook. For the past year every single boy that Ginny had been with she recorded his size and his specialties.

For example Neville Longbottom or rather Shortbottom has absolutely no length to his dead worm, it was skinny and short, it could probably fit into a test tube from Ginny's memory. Her notebook had become very full, and she was running out of pages. The reason she did this was to make money, girls would pay Ginny for information on certain boys they had interests for. Ginny would make quite a bit of money she charged roughly around five dollars per a boy. But if it were someone high on the popular list she would charge ten, sometimes fifteen pounds.

Ginny was so successful that she had kept her penis chart going for well over a year and had made a total of 2000 pounds. The money she made she would give to her family because she knew that they were in dire need of it. Of course Ginny didn't flat out give them the money all at once, she would sometimes send it in an un-post marked envelope or leave it lying around the house for them to find. Ginny had been with many boys; the ones she was not remotely attracted to she would just feel around to get an idea of their size and leave. There were many boys she had not yet conquered so there was work to be done.

Ginny got up with a yawn, it was almost daylight and she had finally awoken. She walked down the hall to the bathroom and washed her face and brushed her teeth. She pulled her hair back in a tight bun and walked back to her room to find something to wear. She pulled out a halter-top and a floral miniskirt with some stilettos. It was a Saturday so she planned on relaxing in the library and with hopes of making a new page for her "special" notebook. She sprayed a little perfume on her neck to attract some of male specimens walking around.  
Ginny was in the library reading a book on love charms again as she always did. She knew the love charms weren't promising but she always wanted to try one on Harry. She looked up from her book to see filch looking at her from across the tables, his tongue was hanging out and there was something protruding from the crotch of his pants. Ginny was shocked, disgusted and intrigued at the same time. Filch quickly noticed her noticing him and shuffled out of the library trying to cover his excitement.

Ginny suddenly had and idea she slammed her book shut, grabbed her purse and quickly left the library. She started towards Filch's office and looked around to make sure there was no one in the hall that might suspect anything. Ginny quickly reached under her skirt and pulled her thong underwear down her legs, off her feet and stuffed them into her purse. She opened the door to Filch's office and saw him hovered over his desk breathing heavily, his hand was under the desk but Ginny got the idea of what he was doing.

"Hi there stranger." Ginny said seductively.

"What are you doing here?" Filch weased.

"Just wondering if you were feeling lucky?" Ginny asked.

Filch's face formed into what Ginny thought was a smile, but appeared to be a frustrated expression almost as if he was about to start crying. Filch got up and walked over to Ginny, she saw that his pants were down revealing a gigantic maybe even ten-inch schlong. Filch closed and locked the door, then faced Ginny. What little hair he had left was greasy and looked as if Filch had attempted a comb over, but failed. Filch reached his hand up Ginny's skirt and shoved his finger inside her.

She moaned, she could not believe Filch even knew how to touch a woman. Ginny fell against Filch in ecstasy; he led her over to his desk and turned her around so that she was leaning against the desk. Filch lifted up her skirt and entered her hard and at full force. Ginny cried out in pleasure, his manhood was so big and he knew how to use it correctly unlike some of the immature idiots around this school. Every thrust was of pure pleasure, Ginny moaned louder every time.

Ginny heard a meow, and then all of a sudden Mrs. Norris jumped up onto the desk right in front of Ginny's face. This had made Ginny quite uncomfortable and she looked back at Filch to see what his reaction was. The look on Filch's face was completely normal, as if he didn't even notice it. Ginny just tried to ignore the cat that was staring right in her face. Ginny heard something strange behind her so she looked back and filch was saying, "Yes Mrs. Norris likes it when I get some pussy, makes her all jealous inside."

Ginny could not believe her ears.

"Yes my Mrs. Norris you have such a nice pussy." Filch ranted.

Ginny was really uncomfortable now, she decided she would just have to put Mrs. Norris as an inconvenience on her penis chart. Filch began to orgasm, and Ginny looked up as Mrs. Norris began to pee all over the desk right in front of Ginny's face. She quickly leaned up and pulled down her skirt and yelled thanks as she left Filch's office. Ginny couldn't believe it, Filch was really endowed but Mrs. Norris was not very attractive. Ginny had been with many teacher's, but she never thought she would be with Filch, she agreed it was worth it.

Not many girls were interested in the teachers, but the ones that were she charged almost twenty pounds. The teachers that Ginny had been with were Dumbledore, Snape, Lupin, Hagrid, Moody, and the house elf Dobby. Her absolute favorite was Hagrid he was like a big teddy bear. Ginny was tired and went up to her dormitory when she opened the door Hagrid was there waiting for her. He held a pregnancy test in his hand. 


End file.
